Category Archives: k$

.sh*t.money.says

recently i have found myself spending lots of alone time with both lisa and k$.  if you did not know lisa joined pintrest and i have been helping her with her pinning.

tonight we had another pinning session where she looked for haircuts. this was very fun.  i love how lisa has become an early adopter to this new amazing internet site.  i also like how i am the only person following her boards. [i am overly obsessed with pintrest, if you are not on it you are MISSING out]

 

on to the real meaning of this post.  my brother k$.

today i took k$ with me to run a special errand at target.  during this errand k$ overheard the details to a secret.  k$ cannot keep a secret if his life depended on it.  not only can he not keep a secret but he does the worlds most annoying secret keeping error of all time.  it goes a little something like this “AM AM AM oh never mind i cannot tell you, mom said i cannot tell you”  well you LITTLE SHIT why did you bring it up.

so after finishing our business at target, k$ and i got into the car and i looked at him and said “if you tell anyone about that secret i will castrate you”  he looked at me and said “i will not” and looked out the window.  This was not the response i was expecting so i asked money if he knew was castration was.  he pulled on his lip (tick #1) and then did this new monster hands thing (tick #2) and then said no.  i told him i would CUT OFF HIS BOY PARTS.  his eyes got huge and he stared at me.  his ticks went off again and then he popped his neck (tick #3).  He looked at me square in the eye and said “that is a threat.  you tell me a threat and i will take you to court”  he looked out the window and then shot back “you threaten me i will threaten you.  i will take you to court”.  suppressing laughter i looked at him and said “its not a threat its a promise.  i WILL castrate you if you tell that secret”

as i drove off to our next location with you missing a beat k$ [for the 10 time that day] started into how he does not need to go to school on june 16 for the 100th time.  i was so tempted to bring up his impeding castration again but i figured that would be to much…

about 10 min into the car ride he looked at me again and said “YOU TELL ME A THREAT [TICK #1 and #3] i will tell you a threat and take you to jail”  i guess it started to sink in.

hopefully he can keep it!

 

PS.  do you want this?  i think you do.  BUY IT NOW.

what about this:

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Filed under a splash of happy, family, k$, lusting

.Shakespeare.

The anniversaries of good ole willy’s death was a few days ago. Some say it was also his birthday. Regardless in his honor I will now discuss the tragedy that is my life.

Perhaps willy would write it as a comedy. The ending is still up in the air I guess. For a few years now little AJH and I have joked about our family becoming a movie/TV show. I think there is a lot of money to be made if anyone would like to buy the rights.

On this topic I was pondering who I would have play me in the true and unabridged version of this path I call life.
this led to a great twitter convo between lil’ AJH and i

http://twitter.com/#!/abbyjeann/status/62343356084256768

While I do see Blake lively, I am quite unsure about miley or maggie.

I posed this question to the people that held me captive in a vehicle close to 8 hours on Easter.

K$ chose the kid from parenthood who has aspergers, Max Burkholder, He has recently become very obsessed with having Austisim and aspergers and loves this kid.

Lisa chose sally field. I veto this and will not discuss it further. For her I pick Claire from modern family. I could also see heather mcdonald playing my mother. One has to get her sense of humor. I don’t think sally could take “give me that candy BITCH” with a laugh the way lisa can.

Pathug was very upset when I chose bruce jenner foe him. ajh chose Dennis Quaid and I agree. He wanted to know which Dennis Quaid.
Obviously the one from parent trap
He then chose tom hanks, and Tim Robbins.

what a collection of individuals we would be!

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Filed under AJH, daily musings, family, k$, lisa, thug

.on.the.hunt.

Sunday (our last day in Houston) we YES WE ALL 5 OF US went house hunting.

I have only been house hunting one other time in my life. When Mr.match took me to see the house he was going to buy in Norfolk before he had to move. I was not well behaved that time and have decided to keep my opinions to myself this time. Because let’s face it no one cares.

This is very hard. VERY HARD.

Aparently as in most things my parents and I have VERY DIFFERENT opinions of acceptable houses. Good thing I will not be living with them… The past 25 years and this vacation have been plenty!

Lisa has decided she wants a small old home. I.e. a mini version of our home in Charlotte. Or perhaps just transplant the home from ft.lauderdale.

When I hear old small home I think of a home from the early century (1900 not 2000) Reminiscent of my college home or the homes of my relatives in the Chicago suburbs.

Not a late 1990 prefab home that’s only difference from the others in the neighborhood is the facade. Like seriously who thought this was a good idea?

But again I’m not gonna live here and aparently they are only living here for 3 years. I remember the last time I heard that. 1996. We move to Charlotte. Believe it was 13 before we moved

But I digress.

Lisa and pat want a home in a ‘hood. K$ wants his own bathroom and ajh wants to move in. I want to get my nails done. Out real estate agent wants to find her brain. So as you can see at least we all have a common goal…

Lord help me for when I have to find a house because from what I see they don’t build houses like I would want.

Now do not get me wrong. Any of the living spaces would be fine if they were gutted.  ALL the houses come with really nice things like this texas star glass door:

And really nice pink tile. I have an extreme hatred as in I DETEST tile. This pink tile made my skin crawl.

Also interesting about homes in Texas: they all have fireplaces. Seriously isn’t the all time low here like 60? and again with the pink tile and carpet.  WHY??

About this house:
We walked in and out. Ajh’s comments “no. Fuck no. I’m not going in. You will not live here”. “there are snowmen on the WINDOWS”.

Conclusion: I don’t care because I’m not moving in.

I really just want my nails done.

And a pack or two of emergen-c.

And a xanax.

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Filed under AJH, daily musings, family, k$, lisa, thug, vacation

.give.me.that.candy.

BITCH

This is now the catch phrase of the weekend. This is also the endearing term k$ was screaming at all of us last night. And yes I do mean us as it was lisa and thugs only interaction with him that day.

Other amazing things k$ has said/done during our time together:

locked the door with ajh and I inside while going to watch for thug and lisa to roll up.

Got a $20 chicken dinner dish at the sushi place last night. (Friday in lent=no meat) he did not eat or even touch it. Claiming he does not like sushi.

While watching the Justin beiber pro-active commercial he claimed I need that. Ajh get it for me for my birthday.

Woke up at 5 in the morning to nosh on a cookie that sounded just like squirrels mating.

At mission burrito told the woman he wanted a meat quesadilla. When she asked what kind he said MEAT as if she knew that meant chicken vs steak, ground beef, and pork.

He is now contentley watching sex in the city with ajh and I. I think he is picking up tips. Aparently his last interaction with the female form was sticking his hand up a mannequins skirt at [Ann Taylor] loft. I think it was to check if she was anatomically correct (because he would know)

I guess if lisa and thug do follow through on my new outfit we have to leave k$ at home.

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Filed under daily musings, k$, life, vacation

.family.vacation?

Well today is day three of our “family vacation”. Aka today is the third day I have spent 99% of the day alone with k$. the rest of the time has been spend listening to complaints of those now aggravated with k$.

Please send me back to my 7th graders.

For this I blame lisa and thug. The have spent the past two days “house hunting”. Ajh had a job interview yesterday and because of her skin is able to excape inside time with k$. My poor white body can only handle so much sun at a time and well k$ does not like laying out so again I find myself alone with him on our “family” vacation.

From the time we were set to arrive in Houston I had two wishes. 1. Shopping at the galleria 2. Whole foods.
Two niceties I have been deprived of in Norfolk.

I am beginning to realize no one in my family gives a shit.

Last night lisa made a fleeting comment that I am owed a new outfit from j.crew for my babysitting services. At this point i think I am owed an hermes bangle, an outfit and sunglasses. (may I also note that I just realized I again lost k$)

I know I will get nothing in return for my babysiting. But if anyone cares. I have down graded my wishes to a mani-pedi. In Houston they are only $25. Um YES PLEASE.

Well I should go look for my 17 year old brother … The joy of family.

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Filed under family, k$, vacation

.jet.plane.

we left.

on a jet plane.

be back on monday.

 

so not really like the song but i tried.

it was k$’s first time on a airplane and i am pretty sure that it was lisa m. hughes first time too.  she had us arrive at the worlds smallest airport 2 hours early because well shes neurotic.

this was wonderful because i was able to change my seat from sitting with lisa and k$ to sitting in the exit row with this individual:unfortunately i could not get a better picture but as you can see he was in a 3 piece jean suit and pimp hat.  he kept his hat (with feather) on the WHOLE flight.  he was also on our second flight to Houston but i did not get to sit by him.

we had a layover in Atlanta.  JOY.  it actually was not that bad and we got k$ a milk shake.  there was a moe’s across from the gate so i went there to get some chips for the next leg.  While i was in line they started boring the plane.  PANIC ENSUED.  both kevin and lisa freaked out as if i was going to be be left behind.  finally after waiting in line for 15 minutes we boarded.

i was being a nice sister and letting k$ take my exit row seat for this leg.  lisa and i settled in and all was well.

UNTIL

the flight attended came up and wispered “is that your son in the exit row?” we said yes and she replied HE CANNOT SIT THERE.  GREAT!  so i got all my stuff moved to the back and sat down.  halfway though resettling the lovely fight attented was back at my side.  “sorry miss there was a miss understanding you can go back to your seat”.

WHAT?!  so now i have to move again.  (NOW I HATE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS almost as much as real estate agents so i was already pissed.  further more i DETEST airtran flight attendants the MOST.  we were flying airtran) apparently the flight attendant assumed k$ was under 15 (actually she said 12) and without asking anyone made us all move.  once lisa told her he was 17 she made us move back.  SERIOUSLY????

so i sink back to my seat.  get settled and there is my LOVELY little firend again.  this time she wants to sit in the middle seat and have a chat with lisa.  WTF.  apparently during the exit row speech k$ said he knew what to do b.c last time he was in the exit row (NEVER B/C THIS WAS HIS SECOND FLIGHT EVER!!) he rammed the beverage cart into the door to get it opened.  so now he was a security hazard and had to sit with us.  GREAT.  now i have lost my exit row and have to sit crammed with k$ and lisa for 2 hours.

(not on the airplane)

oh and did i mention he listened to black eyed pea’s MY HUMPS the whole ride and sang OUT LOUD.  no fear i pretended not to know them for the majority of the flight and read my book.

 

FINALLY WE LANDED IN HOUSTON: as you can tell i took this as we were zooming though the city (thug drives like a bat out of hell).

poor k$ was so tired from his big adventure: so after our dinner at mission burritto we put him and bed and ventured to a new airport to pick up AJH!

she was so happy to see us:

i just LOVE family TIME!!!  tune in to twitter to see the latest!

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Filed under AJH, family, k$, lisa, thug, travel, vacation

.happy.thanksgiving.

happy thanksgiving dear reader.  in the sprit of thanksgiving i will share what i am thankful for five (if you missed this joke see this post).

1. my family
2. my friends
3. my heath and gluten free foods!
4. this blog and all my trusty readers
5.  beleveder vodka gimlets
6. my daddy who is always as saturated with beverage as i am

k$ says he is thankful for:

1. lisa’s new car
2.  my dogs
3. my new bike
4. grandparents
5. my uncles, aunts and cousins
6. and scott (my cousins new husband)
7. junk food such as ho-hos and chocolate chip muffins.
8.  that is all i know!

also i am thankful that k$ is apart of my family and we get to celebrate his 9th aniversary with my family on sunday!

also since i did go to school in ohio, and my little sister ajh did jump in mirror lake, i will give a big O-H

the coupon code will go up after we eat our big turkey dinner!  happy thanksgiving again!

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Filed under AJH, family, food, friends, gluten free, k$, thug

.holiday.car.trip.

Ever feel like your being punished. You can’t really pinpoint who is punishing you or for what but you know your being punished.

Right now I feel that way. Well every time I have to go on car trip with my family I feel this way. I don’t know if its the fact that lisa constantly make the ehhsssshhh sound Every time pa-thug hits the breaks, the fact that k$ talks the whole time or the fact that I am squished in the back seat and feel like a hostage or a combo of all of the above. Regardless it feels like a punishment.

I really should not complain because I am so lucky to have a large extended family and parents who drive me to spend time with them. Its just that right now I have had enough!

Here is a sample of the non-stop chatter that has been ringing in my ear. At this point I would love for a tsa agent to violate me because it would get me out of this car!

Out of nowhere:
K$: ma I cannot wait till I turn 35.
Silence
K$ hits lisa again (this is the last straw)
Lisa: K$ STOP HITTING ME
K$: I cannot wait to turn 35
Lisa and pa-thug: why?
K$: then I can run for president! And we can all move into the white house together.
Silence
Pa-thug slams on brakes because of traffic
Lisa acts like her life is ending
K$: am (me) will you like living at the white house with me?
Me: no I like living alone
K$: but I will give you medicade when I am president!
I then busy out laughing.
K$: I will get you ensurance wireless too. 250 minutes for free and 250 text messages!

So this year on the eve of thanksgiving I would like to share that while I complain I am thankful for my family, I am thankful that k$ always adds hilarity to my life, lisa saves us from crashing into cars and helps pat to always stop a safe distance behind all other cars and for pa-thug for always driving us. No matter how much we all complain. Also that I have loved ones to visit!

Happy Thanksgiving! Remember to check back tomorrow for a coupon good from black Friday to cyber Monday!

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Filed under family, k$, life, rant, shambles, vacation

.who.ate.the.hoho?.

this morning at 6:30 am i was awaken.  not because my alarm went off, not because i was just ready to get up; no, i was awoken to LISA yelling at K$ for eating all of the hostess “goodies”.

K$ has been off of school for the past two days and home alone as i sub at local private schools and he goes to public school.

so lets go back to see how we got to this amazing match up of lisa v. k$ over the missing hohos.

lisa got 5 hostess goodies from the hostess man when he came to her office (i am still unsure why he visits her office as she works for a sports medicine doctor).  she got 3 of the bags of muffins and 2 packages of hohos.  this morning all were gone!

thus ensue lisa v. kevin.  we all know k$ ate them because well no one else would.  (yes we can all flash back to when i was in middle school and would take extra hohos to school and abby would steal chewy bars, and yes lisa breads fat people, but now i would not touch the stuff).

so at 6:30 am i was awoken to:
LISA: “DID YOU EAT THE HOHO?”
K$: “NOOOOOOOOOO”
LISA: “K$ i know you are lying, no one else eats them!  where did they go??? they did not disapear”
K$: I DO NOT KNOW LISA.  I DID NO EAT THEM. I AM NOT A LIAR MOOOOM!”
LISA: “THUUUUG, DID YOU EAT THE HOHOs?!?!”
THUG: “no i did not eat them, K$ just tell the truth that you ate them.  we will find the wrappers in your hiding space by the couch”
K$: in angry monster voice “I DID NOT EAT THEM”
LISA: WHO DID
THUG: DID DUSTY?  DOGS DON’T EAT HOHOs
LISA: STOP LYING
K$: I AM NOT

enter me.  as you know i HATE lying, liars, and people who cheat and deceive.  tell the truth.  it hurts but its better then the web of lies you are about to create.

but back to who ate the F*CKING hoho’s.  well the wrappers were not in his food hiding space (other wrappers found there: a whole 3 lb bag of chocolate chips, bag of cookies, bags of chips, misc. food wrappers)  still on the hunt for the wrappers lisa went to the trash.  IT HAD BEEN TAKEN OUT!  k$ is getting smarter and for that i give him a high-5.

so now almost an hour after i was awoken to case of the mising hoho’s we still have no answer.  other then we know k$ ate them and is holding out on us…

 

UPDATE:

k$ has left his lunch.  lisa’s comment: oh i hope all those hostess hoho’s keep him full!

 

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Filed under daily musings, family, k$, lisa, thug

.alexander.week.

i don’t remember when it started but whenever i am having a bad day i call it an alexander day.  after the children’s book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.  i normally refer to them has horrible awful no good very bad days.

this has been a alexander week.

monday: went to doctor who told me i was a hypochondriac.  i am, but i also have real issue.  she basically told me i was no longer welcome at her practice but gave me a referral to the gastro and endocrinologist.  then while driving back from borders my car died (just stoped working) while going 70 in the center lane of the highway.  thank god thugs office was only a few exists up.  mr. match also offered to help so i was not left alone with k$ on the side of the highway for long.

tuesday: from 2:30 am to 5am up with stomach issues.  then had to go to class all day.  with tummy issues.

wednesday: laid in bed all day and things started to look up.  i even made this amazing galette!

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Filed under a splash of happy, food, k$, life, thug