Category Archives: date

.date.prep.

since i have been dating quite a bit lately (ok well a bit for me!) i thought i would share some of my prep rituals/rules.

why?

well they seem to bring good luck AND i have little else to write about at the current moment.

1. ALWAYS paint your nails.  if you do not paint your nails you will not get a new husband/boyfriend.  this is certain.  a wise manicurist once told this to my good friend HP and well it is true.  when ever i have a fresh coat the boys are DRAWN TO ME.

2. Shower.  I am the queen of oh i showered this morning and did not do anything all day so i really don’t need to get my hair wet AGAIN game but come on if you are serous you will shower.  (side confession i usually don’t shave my legs but that is a whole other personal issue for another time).  along with this if you are serious you will DO your hair.

one can always tell how serious i am about something by if i do my hair or not.  sorry loves but most of you are not worth the 2 hours of blow drying and fighting with this hot mess.

on a side note it is totally acceptable to wear a shower cap and put your hair up in rollers if it was washed that morning.  THAT IS WHY DRY SHAMPOO WAS INVENTED!

3.  EAT.  because you will most likely be downing the vino once you get to your local and well lets be honest no one likes a drunk chatty cathy.  I always must eat b.c any of you who know me personally know that i LOVE to drink.  i also love to make up stories, lie, tell secrets, and become socially inappropriate when i have had too much to drink on an empty stomach.  none of this is appropriate on a first/second date.  also, no one likes someone who SHOVELS food into their mouth the second it arrives. (another thing i am quite found of but have found then men do not think is very sexy!)  perhaps that’s why i have not found mr. right!

4. Stay one drink behind your date.  This is so he will be more drunk then you and you can then judge him more clearly.  this also means NO PREGAMING.  this is not your sorority mixer and you are now of age so NO predate drinks.  YOU HEAR ME NONE.  another rule i have gotten really good about keeping because i have to now drive to my dates.  i refuse to let people pick me up at my house, because i am afraid they will stock me BUT SERIOUSLY because i am afraid k$ will appear and well that is just awkward.  lets do a quick flash back to 2006 when my first serious boyfriend came to pick me up.  k$ met him at the door and offered him a beer.  mind you we were like sophomores in high school and right behind k$ were thug and lisa.  my poor date blushed and was like hmmm no thank you i’m driving.  i was mortified.

another time lisa pulled out the pictures of me from the 3-5th grade when i weight approximately 120 lbs and was 5 feet tall.  she claims she was just so proud of how i had grown up but i think she just secretly wanted me to live with her FOREVER and did not want any boys taking me away.

5.  dress for your expectations.  i remember when i was first starting to go on dates after my debokcal with the ass-hole.  it was so much different then dressing for the bars of oxford, ohio.  AMC gave me this advice such as do not wear a crew neck shirt he will think your not into him.  while i would love to say that i always heed this advice that would be a HUGE LIE.

6. have a back up plan.  when going on a first date i always prep my date for my hasty departure.  this is quite easy as i am a teacher and oh i have to get up so early for school but now that summer is coming i will need new excuses.  with piety date i did not aways follow this rule and well that got me into alot of awkard situations.

7. TELL SOMEONE WHERE YOU ARE GOING B.C. YOUR DATE MY TRY AND CHOP YOU UP AND PUT YOU IN THE OCEAN.

i am serious about that last one!

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Filed under a splash of happy, daily musings, date

.weekends.

omg i am living for the weekends.  this is not the way to live life as you only enjoy 2/7 of your life.  but it is what i have been reduced to this week.  On Tuesday i started counting down to the weekend and now that is it finally here i cannot imagine going back to school on monday.

when i said i had the week from hell i dont think it gives the whole picture.  i am pretty sure satan has manifested himself in 50 0ut of my 74 students.  So yes there are about 24 that are amazing.  They never speak out, never cheat, never ask the same questions 34 times.  They don’t talk back, they don’t fight, lie or try and beat the living shit out of one another.

BUT THE OTHER 50 made a pack with the devil to get their new air jordans.  i am sure with it.

because of this awful week that culminated in a HORRIBLE Friday i had to cancel my date last night.  i just could no do it.  i actually went to bed at 7:30 and woke up refreshed at 3am.  only to go back to sleep and wake up again this morning feeling WONDERFUL.

but it is the weekend and it is time to forget those little heathens and go on with my life…

tonight a Purim party with my jewish friends!  its 1920s themed, i was going to make myself a really cute dress this week but as you can only imagine from above i really did not have time.  so i will improvise!

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Filed under daily musings, date, friends, rant, teaching

.pity.party.of.one.

remember those days of shame that used to rule my life.  THEY ARE BACK!

don’t get excited, its not as drama filled as you might hope.

i went on a second date with my new friend (no funny nick name).  the first one was not the best date i had ever been on but i decided to give my new friend a second chance.  you know people get nervous on first dates, they try too hard, they get to0 drunk so i have made it a rule that i will always go on at least two dates (that is if i am asked on a second date!).  so on saturday my new friend asked me out again.  i should have said no, i should have known that it was just not a good day for me but i did not want to be a bitch and i wanted to give him a second chance.  For whatever reason we did not click the first time but there was no glaring reason.  so i accepted and met him for dinner on saturday night.  we had dinner and it was same as the first date, nothing glaringly wrong i just was not into it.  i wanted to be, as he is a great guy, has all of the things you look for, a great job, no abnormalities, he is fit, owns his own home, and is like really into me. i think the problem is that we do not share the same sense of humor.  he finds me funny and all (i mean how could you not) but we just don’t click.

or maybe the thing that i don’t like is that he is into me.  perhaps i am as cliche as the next girl and i only like guys who don’t like me, want nothing to do with me, and make it clear i am not good enough for them.  whatever the reason i am not into my new friend.

we were out to dinner and he tried to hold my hand and i was just not having it.  we were waiting to get into this really neat bar and i was freezing.  he suggested he warm up my hand and i replied “oh no its ok i can keep it in my pocket”  UGH I AM BITCH.

my second major bitch offense was after i went to see his house (it was so nice!) and we were watching pretty women within like 5 mintues of it starting i passed out.  Poor friend tried to snuggle with me and finally i obliged.  he then asked if he could kiss me and my half awake self replied “i’d rather you not”.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??

my last glaring bitch move was when i was leaving and he went in again for the kill and i turned my head and peaced out.  i was trying so hard not to lead him on that i was like a total bitch and now i feel AWFUL about it.  but then i have a serious problem because i want to apologize but i don’t want to lead him on.  you see i have been lead on 1 too many times to do it to someone else.  but i think i did the total opposite and hurt him anyway.

so here i am, feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party for one.  hopefully i can shake it soon, i just don’t know if i should text him or let it go.  AHHH life is so hard for me.

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.wrong.wrong.wrong.

so my date…

NOT WITH THE METEOROLOGIST.

nope.  with someone completely different. not the tattoo artist either.  while some of you may be very concerned for my safety at this point i want to assure you that this individual seems harmless.  I also want to assure you that i am back to my old ways of handing out my phone number like those little girl scouts whore out their cookies.

as for the date, well you will just have to check back to see if i have another.

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.don’t.hold.your.breath.

so you read all about my big date tonight and thought that i would be posting all about it right about … NOW.

well sucker you are wrong.  (mostly because i do my blog posts a day or so in advance and it is currently 11pm on Wednesday night).

to get your mind off my love life (or SERIOUS LACK THERE OF)  i will share with you the love life of someone WAY more entertaining than myself: charlie sheen.  there are about 3 things in life i love more then a good celebrity train wreck: coffee, vodka gimlets and my bed, so as you can see this is VERY high up there.  and if you have been living in a hole the past week then you dont know about my friend mr. sheen, if you have not been skip the next paragraph.

charlie sheen is a coked up train wreck who can not stay out of the public eye.

you probably know he has twitter: @charliesheen.  you may also know his is a winner, he has tiger blood and sorta really wants to be me circa 2008, and he loves porn stars.  while the whole thing is incredibly sad it is also very intriguing.  like where is his mom?  we all know martin, his father, tries really hard but like seriously can we get someone like kris jenner on charlie’s a$$.  you know she would kick him in to shape and get his life turned up side down.  i would say lock him up in a room with brittney but that would be like a self imploding bomb that could take down all of california if not the whole us.

happy Thursday!

ps UM CHRISTINA anyway i detest her and really don’t care about this at all other then the fact it just adds to my dislike.  one time i got to meet her back stage and she would not touch anyone like this little girl wanted to hug her and she refused.

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Filed under date, life, shambles

.be.so.jealous.

my life is pretty effing awesome, right?  WRONG.  but every once in a while some really comical shiz happnes to me and well that is when i really belive that my life is one big fucking joke and everyone is in on it but me.

case and point:

i have a date tomorrow night.  with a guy i met at bar, while i may have been blacked out and his name may be michael.  for those of you know know the story of the a$$ hole this should be sounding vary familar.

normally, i would have ignored the phone call (like with the guy from the gym) but i did have alot of fun with a certian jewish radiologist over the weekend and he did (via twitter) ask about my little nuggets so i suspected the strange number was from him when my phone blew up on monday night.  i also introduced this individual to my extensive list of favorite hung over tv shows (anything reality, ancient aliens, swamp people, monsters inside me, etc) and i thought he was calling to thank me.

i also sometimes just get really excited and answer my phone before checking the caller id and giving the appropraite amount of rings.  since my life is really exciting and all of about 5 people call me on a regular basis.  i’ll let you decided which one it was.

regardless i answered the phone and it was a stranger.  now i give him props for actually calling me because i am sure i was one super hot mess when we met.  i vaguely remember giving my phone number to an individual over a game of golden tee so we will pretend that is who this individual is.

let me just recap what i was doing in the back of the bar alone behind the golden tee.  you see my phone was dead and i needed to have access to it so i could call lisa to come pick me up at the end of the night (because one of the many pluses of living with your parents at the age of 25 is having a free cab service!).

so i decided to find an outlet to plug my little cellular device in.  thankfully i have learned well from momo and had my charger in my bag.  while being a crazed looney i started talking to some people and ended up playing golden tee with two guys, i also remember one spilled my gimlet and this started a nerd convention between AAF and the guys about hobbits or something that i was not really interested in.  but i digress.

my soon to be date mentioned that we met at the bar where golden tee resides and by process of elimination i believe it is golden tee guy.  the other options are the tattoo artist who had letters on his fingers… like not just on the space between the knuckle and the hand but ALSO between the knuckle and the figure nail. no i am not a friend of tatoos and feel with the only liquid in my body being alcohol i would haven never talked to this individual.  but i was quite pickled and well i got to learn a lot about the “non vanilla non plain jane’s” get their tattoos.

the other option is the man who agreed when i called myself a vanilla plain jane and proceeded to cry about it.  mr. tattoo was also around at this time and agreed that i was infact a plain jane.  i have text messages to account for this portion.  AMF has also clued me in to the fact that my “memory” of this portion was EXTREAMLY skewed and i infact bought up the fact that i am a plain jane then polled all those around me to see if they agreeded.  i remember there was also an individual with a patagonia re-tool fleece that was in the mix at this point.  as i said it is all very hazy.  i am waiting from a text from AAF to help me patch this nonsense up.

so to sum up this lovely recount of the fact that no matter how old i get i am still one hot mess i have a date tomorrow night with a stranger i met in a bar.  OH and one more positive about golden tee.  HE IS A METEOROLOGIST.  rocken’!  get excited for a recount of the nights events!

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Filed under date, friends, life, momo, shambles, weekend wrap up

.2010 Oxfords & Oysters.

since celebrities write open letters all the time i figured i would write one…

dear mr. match,

please pay $250 (price of 2 vip tickets) so you can i can drive to baltimore and go to Oxfords & Oysters and get the amazing gift bag.  it is only a few hours away and i really want to go.  i am a very poor grad student and this is like the mecca of all things me.  if you take me i will be sooo happy and promise not to ask to meet your mom for 3 whole weeks.  WE will also get a free gift bag.  you KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE FREE GIFT BAGS!!!!

the even is also near the aquarium… LOVE aquariums!

it is next weekend and we do not have anything planned!  it will be so much fun.  i will even put in $5!  or maybe more… how about $10.

PLEASE!

xoxo,
ms. happy

for all the rest of you check out this event!  while i am a lover of all things preppy i am also a lover of seafood and savings animals (except for animals that murder squirrels THIS means YOU foxes, coyotes, wild cats, hawks, owls, and snakes).  i have also developed a new love of the ocean and want to protect it.  THIS MEANS I AM AFTER YOU BP.

any of you going to oxfords & oysters?

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Filed under a splash of happy, date, lusting, mr. match, philanthropy, vacation

.guitar.

this morning, after a lovely starbucks run, mr. match taught me how to play guitar.  ok you can stop the laughter.  while i do not have a single musical bone in my body, FLASHBACK to freshman year when i was told not to sing at the christmas choral concert, i love to pretend.

mr. match loves playing guitar and i never had an interest before this morning.  i was very afraid at first and refused to even touch the guitar, as i do not like attempting anything that i am not almost certain i will 100% successful.  i eventually held his electric guitar and after much searching through the itunes library picked Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson to learn.

Mr. Match has two guitars at first he gave me one like this
(image from fender.com)

i could not really hear the music so he gave me a acoustic guitar that looked a little something like this:
(photo from ibanez.com)

i was awe struck when without any music after hearing the song he played it back to me!  then it was my turn.  mr. match turned on this program on his mac that slowed the song down.  to say i was bad would be a LARGE understatement.  he was so patient with me and kept encouraging me to keep trying.  eventually i GOT IT!  i am now able to play the first 2.5 seconds of banana pancakes!  all of 5 notes… one is a slide so maybe its just 4?

we then moved on to say it right by nelly furtado.  i got this one right away as it was 5 notes.  after this i was also still able to go back and butcher but play banana pancakes.  for my last song we went on to Jimi Hendrix’s All Along The Watchtower which i found out uses almost the same cord progression in reverse.  all you music buff are probably shaking your head at me and how this is not the correct terminology but its all i have.

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Filed under date, mr. match, music

.new.friend.

today, i went to the beach with a new friend, c.  this got me thinking about how at a certin age you start dating everyone.  gone are the days of oh i like your hair bow come over to my house for lunch, and oh are moms are friends so we have to play together.  now not only do i have to date guys but i feel like i have to date girls to find a good girlfriend.  in college it was easy.  being in adpi made it easier but still everyone at college is looking for a friend.  not so now.

my quest to find a friend started shortly after i moved to norfolk.  i looked around my classes for girls i could relate to, for someone (close to my age) that i wanted to be seen in public with.  this sounds harsh and stuck up but think about it… do i really have time to waist on the girl who wears a swimsuit to class every day… i doubt we have anything in common.  I was on a mission to friend a friend.  then november rolled around, then january and i was still friendless.  i had acquaintances but no one i really meshed well with.

second smester opend all new friend opertunities to me and i took advantage.  in my math class i became chummy with two girls, one an undergrad the other a 3o something divorcee.  they were great but not really what i was looking for.  they made a horrible class go so much more quickly and we traded tips on who to take for upcoming classes.  i am super stoked bc i will be in more classes with the divorcee.

in my other class, the one i hated, i met c.  we both went to amazing colleges and found ourselves in our current situation because we want to me math teachers.   from the third class i singled c out as someone i could be friends with.  we became facebook friends towards the end of the semester and today we went to the beach.  this sounds totally stalker and psycho but my situation calls for drastic measures.  EVERYONE ELSE I KNOW IS OVER 34.

mr. match thinks that i am crazy and borderline lesbian because of how careful i have been on developing my friendship but seriously these things take time.  with boys its like hey lets go watch football… girls it is much harder.  maybe i am just a creep and think this… i don’t know.

i asked c to join me at my secret beach today.  it is a gem and i will not disclose the location!  she was unaware of it and was surprised at how amazing it was.  we had a great time!  i am hoping to do more fun things with her v. soon!!!

in other exciting news i got stieg larsson’s Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.  i also got a few amazing finds at target that will be part of tommorws post as i still need to do school work, spend time with the fam and do my 3 mile run.

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Filed under daily musings, date, mr. match

.leaving.on.a.jet.plane.

today is a good day.  besides the fact that i am spending most of the day at doctors appointments. YUCK

i just booked my flight to visit AMC and my bathing suit is coming in the mail (i just love that my j.crew orders come two day… they should magical appear for how much i pay in shipping tho!)!!!

i also just got some awesome towels from bed bath and beyond that i am going to turn into work out towels once i can find a monogramer. (how do you spell that word?)

in additional news i believe mr. match and i are going out tonight.  wahoo!

i have a MOUND of school work so todays post is short and sweet.  i will have a good post soon.  promise!

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Filed under daily musings, date, grad school, j.crew, mr. match, shopping