the Fear Of Missing Out.

do you suffer?  I DO

perhaps its the fact that i live in BFE virginia and all my besties live scattered about the country, perhaps its the fact that all but two of my besties got married/engaged in the past year, or the fact that my roomie B has countless invitations to go EVERYWHERE while i sit alone at home.  whatever the reason i am a chronic suffer of FOMO.

i recently had a massive cry fest over living in this god forsaken town.  i miss chicago.  i miss charlotte.  i miss oxford.  i miss being able to walk aimlessly down a crowded street and do whatever i please running into people i know.  not drive to some shopping mall and fight crowds.  UGH SUBURBIA.

i miss everyone being in the same place in life and having the same goal.  i guess its a natural response to feeling left behind and alone.

no i was not left behind.  i chose to move.  i chose to go somewhere by myself.  i elected to start a new life, a new path and to do it all on my own.  while this should be empowering it really only adds to the internal conflict i feel.  because yes, i am unhappy but no one but me put me in this position.

the strange thing is, the more people i talk too, the more i see that i am not alone in my feelings, something  i cannot find comfort in.  it makes the feeling worse.

Emma Gray, of huffington post, talks about the things she has learned in her first 25 years.  i love this list.  most of them i am still learning.  what i like most is that her lessons contradict,  the way most lessons in life do. #2 address FOMO while #3 suggests saying no to invitations.  #17 being single is awesome yet #19 its ok to want a relationship.  she address many of the feelings us post-college 20-somthigns have.  and she even eludes to HBO’s GIRLS in #21, because sometimes the story is all we have left at the end of the day!

in a response/follow up Margaret Wheeler Johnson write about what she knows as she turns 30.  she makes references to the velveteen rabbit, a scaring childhood book that caused as much damage to my physche as bambi did.

but her message is clear.  no matter how fake we feel our lives are and how we are waiting to wake up one day and feel “real” we already are.  and being real hurts. this is real life, no matter how awesome, shitty, or bland it may be, and its the only one we got.


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