recently on npr i heard about a teacher who got in trouble for blogging about her insipid students and after being taken from her classroom was given the punishment of going back to that same classroom.

here are a few of the things she said about her students:i must admit i would use ‘dresses like a streetwalker’ quite a bit, however, i think the rest are not very kind.  i like to think that it is more the parents influences on the students that make them “frightfully dim, simpering grade-grubbers and hold unrealistically high perceptions of their own ability” so telling the parents probably would not make a difference.

on another side note, i tell my students on an almost daily basis they are disengaged whiners so there is no need for me to blog about it!

while i will never say anything bad about my naughty students i will repeat their words verbatim b.c well the shit they say is priceless!

i have an asian student who does not speak the best english but has a GREAT sense of humor (or what i take as humor).  i feel like he is a lost duckling and it is my job to get him back in line and get him to the destination that is the end of summer school.  we will call him “stewart”.  every time stewie does not come to class i get very worried and ask the class if anyone has seen him.  they do NOT understand my concern and make fun of it.  today while we were quizzing everyone but stewie was done.  i asked him if he would mind if i started talking and he sad “Stay quite”.  i about lost my shit laughing. it was completely harmless of him and a ELL gaff but it was GREAT comedic timing and i loved it.

most of my students have great senses of humor and are in shock of how aware i am of everything that is going on in the classroom.  my best defense against them is to build up amo against them and then dump it all at once.  this way they never know what i know and what i dont.  i have a boyfriend and girlfriend in my class.  obviously its true love b.c everyone finds their true love in the 8th grade.  they used to sit in the back row and hold hands.  i let it go for a class and then the next day when the class was getting out of hand i said you know, “if we can act like adults i can allow things like hand holding under desks but when we are acting like children i cannot allow it.  SO, johnny i need you to stop holding sophies hand under the desk and move to this seat”  the whole class collectivly droped their jaws to the floor and for 2 days stright johnny sat and gave me the evil eye. in teacher world this is a huge win!

in this same class there is another student who has a special place in my heart.  he has a very unusual name and is often the catalyst for class disruptions for this discussion i will call him grass.  i am very supsious that he comes to class blazed on a regular basis but i have no solid proof other then his giggles and his 40 foot stair and frequent bathroom trips.  both he and stewie must ask me to use the rest room b.c i am so worried about  both of them and they tend to disappear for LONG amounts of time (all the other students have taken it upon themselves to police this)  a student in my other class tried to convince me that he and grass were brothers.  they have different last names, different addresses, they belong to VERY different races, have different emergency contacts and well are just not brothers.  when i asked grass about it he just went “ahhh my bro, and nodded his head”  another student says well whats his name, weed?  a play off of grass’ name.  again i lost my shit in front of the class.  even now i am dieing thinking about it.

recently grass told me he was not going to come to class.  i asked him what he was doing and he told me that his mom was taking him to taco bell (more proof he is constantly high?), i asked if his mom could take him another time, he said no.  grass did not come to school that day.

when he returned i asked how taco bell was.  he asked me what i was talking about.  NO WORDS

i love my students and am very sad to be leaving them in 9 days.  only one knows i am leaving and he was indiferent so i think that i love them much more than they love me…


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