normally when grandchildren call their grandparents the grandparents are thrilled.

when i call re and yo i get something a little different.  re and i first discuss my bowel issues and then we move on to talking about various family members.  inevitable the conversation turns to why i am single and when i am going to get a boyfriend.

it was not always this way.  back when i was on that other path and was on my way to an engagement the questions turned to him and when we were getting together etc.

today on the phone i told re (my grandmother) while much enthusiasm that i found a breeder by her house that i will be getting my new puppy from.  her response “WHY?  you need a dog like you need a hole in the head! how are you going to take care of a dog!  you have two dogs already!  ETC”.

I countered with i need a companion when  i move off by myself and i will need something to protect me.

her response: GET A MAN.  While i knew my grandmother felt this way (that i need to get married and start producing grandchildren) i never thought she would be so forth coming.  no would i have ever assumed she approve that i live with a man.  i about lost my shit when she said this and quite frankly i feel like i should go find a warm body to co-habitate with so this moment does not pass me by.

never in a million years would i have thought my grandmother (the one who has tourettes, uses multiple racial and ethnic slurs daily and is 110% devoted to being catholic) would approve of me living in sin.  apparently she really just wants me to get knocked up.

thankfully yo came back from lowes (the home improvement store) around this time and the phone was transferred over to him.  now for my grandfather.  he is better than yours.  why?  he is battery operated.  no seriously he is.  that’s basically what we talk about.  oh and his truck (a pimped out yukon).  and how my grandmother is attempting to kill him.

you may rememeber these fine individuals from such posts as chocolate squirrel and when my grandpa was in the hospital earlier this year before becoming battery operated.


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