could you decipher that? that you must spend a lot of time here. yep, that’s right i have sunk to the point of searching on craig’s list for a possible home to live in/roommate to have.
i know what you are thinking. yes i did have an AWFUL experience with roommates off of craigs list, and yes i did say i wanted to live by myself. but here’s the thing. $1659 is a lot of money to pay every month. esp when you have a background in finance and all you can think about is how you are throwing it out the window and you have SUZE ORMAN in the back of your head SCREAMING her lesbian lungs out.
oh that’s kristen wigg my bad here is SUZE:
i just know she would be eating me alive if she only knew the situation i was in…
so back to my roommate/housing predicament.
this is how my craig’s list add will go:
single 25yo Female teacher looking for mid-twenties female to share 2-2 apartment with. I have a large yellow lab that is non-negotable. he is very friendly and just lies on the ground, sometimes he moves. this is him:
both he and i will prefer that we are either best friends or that we do not communicate with each other. i will be in charge of all bills and i will expect you pay me your half on time. i will also request that you never eat my food or touch my things unless i say you can. i have some very odd personality traits and if you eat my food or touch my things i may go postal. i enjoy getting tanked about once a moth and suggest you follow suit if you wish to not piss me off.
i have a blog. you will get a nick name and be apart of it. you will be blasted on it if you break any rules. if i like you i will talk about all the goodness you bring to our happy home.
i suggest that if you have a boyfriend or any male friends you make your way back to their house. i do not like strangers in my house. i will also have 100% veto power over anything/one you bring into our living establishment. if you are a normal persona this will not be a problem if you are a weirdo then you should not respond to this add. we will split the DVR 50/50 as in if i am recording something you may take the other spot, if i am recording two things you should phone a friend and have them record it for you.
Last but not least i am a really nice persona and have a great sense of style, humor and am very classy. i enjoy dirty martinis, cooking, baking, sewing and having a good time. I will require 3 personal references from you, including people you have lived with before. i hope to hear from you soon!
p.s. if you really like the history channel show ancient aliens you can ignore everything above and call me asap!
well maybe i should just live alone…