.25yoF.needsapt.dog.

could you decipher that?  that you must spend a lot of time here.  yep, that’s right i have sunk to the point of searching on craig’s list for a possible home to live in/roommate to have.

i know what you are thinking.  yes i did have an AWFUL experience with roommates off of craigs list, and yes i did say i wanted to live by myself.  but here’s the thing.  $1659 is a lot of money to pay every month.  esp when you have a background in finance and all you can think about is how you are throwing it out the window and you have SUZE ORMAN in the back of your head SCREAMING her lesbian lungs out.

oh that’s kristen wigg my bad here is SUZE:

i just know she would be eating me alive if she only knew the situation i was in…

so back to my roommate/housing predicament.

this is how my craig’s list add will go:

single 25yo Female teacher looking for mid-twenties female to share 2-2 apartment with.  I have a large yellow lab that is non-negotable.  he is very friendly and just lies on the ground, sometimes he moves.  this is him:

both he and i will prefer that we are either best friends or that we do not communicate with each other.  i will be in charge of all bills and i will expect you pay me your half on time.  i will also request that you never eat my food or touch my things unless i say you can.  i have some very odd personality traits and if you eat my food or touch my things i may go postal.  i enjoy getting tanked about once a moth and suggest you follow suit if you wish to not piss me off.

i have a blog. you will get a nick name and be apart of it.  you will be blasted on it if you break any rules.  if i like you i will talk about all the goodness you bring to our happy home.

i suggest that if you have a boyfriend or any male friends you make your way back to their house.  i do not like strangers in my house.  i will also have 100% veto power over anything/one you bring into our living establishment.  if you are a normal persona this will not be a problem if you are a weirdo then you should not respond to this add.  we will split the DVR 50/50 as in if i am recording something you may take the other spot, if i am recording two things you should phone a friend and have them record it for you.

Last but not least i am a really nice persona and have a great sense of style, humor and am very classy.  i enjoy dirty martinis, cooking, baking, sewing and having a good time.  I will require 3 personal references from you, including people you have lived with before.  i hope to hear from you soon!

p.s. if you really like the history channel show ancient aliens you can ignore everything above and call me asap!

well maybe i should just live alone…

.pity.party.of.one.

remember those days of shame that used to rule my life.  THEY ARE BACK!

don’t get excited, its not as drama filled as you might hope.

i went on a second date with my new friend (no funny nick name).  the first one was not the best date i had ever been on but i decided to give my new friend a second chance.  you know people get nervous on first dates, they try too hard, they get to0 drunk so i have made it a rule that i will always go on at least two dates (that is if i am asked on a second date!).  so on saturday my new friend asked me out again.  i should have said no, i should have known that it was just not a good day for me but i did not want to be a bitch and i wanted to give him a second chance.  For whatever reason we did not click the first time but there was no glaring reason.  so i accepted and met him for dinner on saturday night.  we had dinner and it was same as the first date, nothing glaringly wrong i just was not into it.  i wanted to be, as he is a great guy, has all of the things you look for, a great job, no abnormalities, he is fit, owns his own home, and is like really into me. i think the problem is that we do not share the same sense of humor.  he finds me funny and all (i mean how could you not) but we just don’t click.

or maybe the thing that i don’t like is that he is into me.  perhaps i am as cliche as the next girl and i only like guys who don’t like me, want nothing to do with me, and make it clear i am not good enough for them.  whatever the reason i am not into my new friend.

we were out to dinner and he tried to hold my hand and i was just not having it.  we were waiting to get into this really neat bar and i was freezing.  he suggested he warm up my hand and i replied “oh no its ok i can keep it in my pocket”  UGH I AM BITCH.

my second major bitch offense was after i went to see his house (it was so nice!) and we were watching pretty women within like 5 mintues of it starting i passed out.  Poor friend tried to snuggle with me and finally i obliged.  he then asked if he could kiss me and my half awake self replied “i’d rather you not”.  WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME??

my last glaring bitch move was when i was leaving and he went in again for the kill and i turned my head and peaced out.  i was trying so hard not to lead him on that i was like a total bitch and now i feel AWFUL about it.  but then i have a serious problem because i want to apologize but i don’t want to lead him on.  you see i have been lead on 1 too many times to do it to someone else.  but i think i did the total opposite and hurt him anyway.

so here i am, feeling sorry for myself and having a pity party for one.  hopefully i can shake it soon, i just don’t know if i should text him or let it go.  AHHH life is so hard for me.

.wrong.wrong.wrong.

so my date…

NOT WITH THE METEOROLOGIST.

nope.  with someone completely different. not the tattoo artist either.  while some of you may be very concerned for my safety at this point i want to assure you that this individual seems harmless.  I also want to assure you that i am back to my old ways of handing out my phone number like those little girl scouts whore out their cookies.

as for the date, well you will just have to check back to see if i have another.

.don’t.hold.your.breath.

so you read all about my big date tonight and thought that i would be posting all about it right about … NOW.

well sucker you are wrong.  (mostly because i do my blog posts a day or so in advance and it is currently 11pm on Wednesday night).

to get your mind off my love life (or SERIOUS LACK THERE OF)  i will share with you the love life of someone WAY more entertaining than myself: charlie sheen.  there are about 3 things in life i love more then a good celebrity train wreck: coffee, vodka gimlets and my bed, so as you can see this is VERY high up there.  and if you have been living in a hole the past week then you dont know about my friend mr. sheen, if you have not been skip the next paragraph.

charlie sheen is a coked up train wreck who can not stay out of the public eye.

you probably know he has twitter: @charliesheen.  you may also know his is a winner, he has tiger blood and sorta really wants to be me circa 2008, and he loves porn stars.  while the whole thing is incredibly sad it is also very intriguing.  like where is his mom?  we all know martin, his father, tries really hard but like seriously can we get someone like kris jenner on charlie’s a$$.  you know she would kick him in to shape and get his life turned up side down.  i would say lock him up in a room with brittney but that would be like a self imploding bomb that could take down all of california if not the whole us.

happy Thursday!

ps UM CHRISTINA anyway i detest her and really don’t care about this at all other then the fact it just adds to my dislike.  one time i got to meet her back stage and she would not touch anyone like this little girl wanted to hug her and she refused.

.be.so.jealous.

my life is pretty effing awesome, right?  WRONG.  but every once in a while some really comical shiz happnes to me and well that is when i really belive that my life is one big fucking joke and everyone is in on it but me.

case and point:

i have a date tomorrow night.  with a guy i met at bar, while i may have been blacked out and his name may be michael.  for those of you know know the story of the a$$ hole this should be sounding vary familar.

normally, i would have ignored the phone call (like with the guy from the gym) but i did have alot of fun with a certian jewish radiologist over the weekend and he did (via twitter) ask about my little nuggets so i suspected the strange number was from him when my phone blew up on monday night.  i also introduced this individual to my extensive list of favorite hung over tv shows (anything reality, ancient aliens, swamp people, monsters inside me, etc) and i thought he was calling to thank me.

i also sometimes just get really excited and answer my phone before checking the caller id and giving the appropraite amount of rings.  since my life is really exciting and all of about 5 people call me on a regular basis.  i’ll let you decided which one it was.

regardless i answered the phone and it was a stranger.  now i give him props for actually calling me because i am sure i was one super hot mess when we met.  i vaguely remember giving my phone number to an individual over a game of golden tee so we will pretend that is who this individual is.

let me just recap what i was doing in the back of the bar alone behind the golden tee.  you see my phone was dead and i needed to have access to it so i could call lisa to come pick me up at the end of the night (because one of the many pluses of living with your parents at the age of 25 is having a free cab service!).

so i decided to find an outlet to plug my little cellular device in.  thankfully i have learned well from momo and had my charger in my bag.  while being a crazed looney i started talking to some people and ended up playing golden tee with two guys, i also remember one spilled my gimlet and this started a nerd convention between AAF and the guys about hobbits or something that i was not really interested in.  but i digress.

my soon to be date mentioned that we met at the bar where golden tee resides and by process of elimination i believe it is golden tee guy.  the other options are the tattoo artist who had letters on his fingers… like not just on the space between the knuckle and the hand but ALSO between the knuckle and the figure nail. no i am not a friend of tatoos and feel with the only liquid in my body being alcohol i would haven never talked to this individual.  but i was quite pickled and well i got to learn a lot about the “non vanilla non plain jane’s” get their tattoos.

the other option is the man who agreed when i called myself a vanilla plain jane and proceeded to cry about it.  mr. tattoo was also around at this time and agreed that i was infact a plain jane.  i have text messages to account for this portion.  AMF has also clued me in to the fact that my “memory” of this portion was EXTREAMLY skewed and i infact bought up the fact that i am a plain jane then polled all those around me to see if they agreeded.  i remember there was also an individual with a patagonia re-tool fleece that was in the mix at this point.  as i said it is all very hazy.  i am waiting from a text from AAF to help me patch this nonsense up.

so to sum up this lovely recount of the fact that no matter how old i get i am still one hot mess i have a date tomorrow night with a stranger i met in a bar.  OH and one more positive about golden tee.  HE IS A METEOROLOGIST.  rocken’!  get excited for a recount of the nights events!

.new.planner.

i need a new 2011 planner

this is the single most item that i am OCD about.  i cannot function without my planner.

obvi the kate spade one is always good but it only has a month viewamc recently got the jonath anadler planner but it started back in august and i really one want that is december to december… why do they all start in august and end in december???if santa was to get me this i would die for the Kaleidoscope.

lilly also put one out however it only has day by dad and month by month.  i really like the week at a glance feature as it shows you everything at once.  why i love my kate spade planner from 2010.  it only had the moth view so i know everything that is going on but it gets hard to write everything in those little spaces.

the who mi planner is also a top consideration.  AMC got one in college and it was great.  it was made for moms and has a space for all your kids.  i would use that for student teaching/exercising/.a.splash.of.happy. 

i know a lot of my twitter friends have mom agendas.  i am not sure if i would like this. and it started back in august.  UGH WHY??? esp since this one will end in decmeber 2011. hmm that does NOT make any sense.  the draw to the planner is that i can get it personalized.  such a sucker for personalization!

i could get this and get my own little planner thing.

 

this post is getting me even more stressed about not having a planner esp since i have so much to already write in it

like:

WJK’s wedding
EY’s wedding
cousin’s wedding
NYC marathon
student teaching stuff
list goes on…

.holiday.car.trip.

Ever feel like your being punished. You can’t really pinpoint who is punishing you or for what but you know your being punished.

Right now I feel that way. Well every time I have to go on car trip with my family I feel this way. I don’t know if its the fact that lisa constantly make the ehhsssshhh sound Every time pa-thug hits the breaks, the fact that k$ talks the whole time or the fact that I am squished in the back seat and feel like a hostage or a combo of all of the above. Regardless it feels like a punishment.

I really should not complain because I am so lucky to have a large extended family and parents who drive me to spend time with them. Its just that right now I have had enough!

Here is a sample of the non-stop chatter that has been ringing in my ear. At this point I would love for a tsa agent to violate me because it would get me out of this car!

Out of nowhere:
K$: ma I cannot wait till I turn 35.
Silence
K$ hits lisa again (this is the last straw)
Lisa: K$ STOP HITTING ME
K$: I cannot wait to turn 35
Lisa and pa-thug: why?
K$: then I can run for president! And we can all move into the white house together.
Silence
Pa-thug slams on brakes because of traffic
Lisa acts like her life is ending
K$: am (me) will you like living at the white house with me?
Me: no I like living alone
K$: but I will give you medicade when I am president!
I then busy out laughing.
K$: I will get you ensurance wireless too. 250 minutes for free and 250 text messages!

So this year on the eve of thanksgiving I would like to share that while I complain I am thankful for my family, I am thankful that k$ always adds hilarity to my life, lisa saves us from crashing into cars and helps pat to always stop a safe distance behind all other cars and for pa-thug for always driving us. No matter how much we all complain. Also that I have loved ones to visit!

Happy Thanksgiving! Remember to check back tomorrow for a coupon good from black Friday to cyber Monday!

.w.d.t.w.t.?

Its all j.crew folks. Well besides my hermes crutches and my new balance running shoes…

Crutches blow. How am I gonna carry mu tervis tumbler??? I need an assistant ASAP. Apply in the comments section.

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

.weekend.recap.

so i survived my first weekend on crutches and also survived my first few days as a 25 year old.

i have to say nothing has really changed.  but i now have a very nice pair of diamond earrings.

sunday, i got my bake on.  lisa and i made coffee cake out of americas test kitchen and then i made Tiramisu, i got the recipe off a fellow miamian’s blog amuse bouche.

the tiramisu was best monday night but was very good sunday night.  i think it just needed to sit longer.  we had a hard time finding marscopne cheese and lady fingers.  next time i will be making my own lady figures (thanks julia child!).  this recipe also did not produce as much cheese filling as i wanted.  i will again blame this on the crapy lady fingers i had to use.

i have no picture of the coffee cake as lisa was in charge and i was on crutches so i just read the directions.  i will make it again and review it.  i loved it and it was just like the cinnamon coffee cake at starbucks!  in love!!!  k$ ate all of the left overs so i can not even show you a picture of those.  maybe i should just not have mentioned the coffee cake at all.  sorry.

in other news my life is again in shambles and i might need to go back into my school hole and resurface in a few days… i will blame it on the stress fractured hip and the fact that i will move mountains to be able to sub because i need MONEY so bad.

this weekend mr. match and i are going to a halloween party with the lady i baby sit for.  (haha sorry b. but your original name sticks!)  we are going to be old people on our way to bingo.  so grandpa and crutches fit in just fine.  (grandpa is mr. match’s nick name).

additional news:

my good friend hp called from med school.  she was concerned about my poop issues and wanted to wish me a happy birthday.  no i am not being funny she TOLD me she follows them via the blog!  this made my day!  i am so glad someone else besides me cares about my movements!  she also wants/needs to be set up with hot chief resident.

.not.happy.

so i just got back from DB.  he is the sports med doctor lisa works for and i saw him when i hurt my foot after the half marathon.  i finally gave in and admitted i am hurt.

after hobbling to starbucks to pick up a treat for DB, lisa and the other nurse i headed to my appointment.  i kept a happy face and tried to pretend like i was just there to make sure everything was ok.  joking that i needed to get out to make it to my tennis game.  but seriously i have had a game at 4pm.

during the oral portion of the exam i admitted to taking excessive amounts of advil including 1600 mgs before the marathon, being hurt for 13 days and not being able to sleep though the night since the marathon because the pain in my hip has been so bad i began to finally realize that yes indeed i am hurt.  DB just silently shook his head and told me of the dangers of taking advil before exercising because you cannot feel pain (UM HELLO THATS WHY I TOOK IT!)

Next he began moving my leg all different ways.  i again tried to lie about the pain i was feeling but i think it was all over my face.  he just simply gave me a sympathetic look as he nodded when i grimaced and said no that does not hurt.  next it was off to the x-ray. nurse lisa tried to get me into a wheel chair but i refused and hobbled over still convinced that my charade was fooling everyone.  after the x-ray nurse lisa pulled it up and played a little joke on me.  she simply gasped and said oh yes.  as if there was something on there.  i immediately freaked out to which she said on i don’t see anything.

Next up DB brought in a very cute resident and first we chatted about how its my birthday tomorrow and where i am going to dinner then he asked if i think i am walking normally.  totally delusional i replied yes.  DB had everyone in the office come watch me to confirm what we all knew that i was indeed hobbling and was just deranged. after walking hobbling back and forth 3 times i asked if he was just effing with me.  he replied no but looked confused.  i walked hobbled a few more times before we went back to the room and DB went over the x-ray with me.  then he delivered the blows.  1.  i mostly likely have a stress fracture.  2. i cannot do any exercise except for pulling in the swimming pool until next friday. 3. no tennis, not today, not tomorrow, not sunday. 4. i have to use crutches.

i am still very proud of myself for simply nodding and taking everything as it came.  i got fitted for the crutches and hobbled out the car with my mom.  it was not until i was alone that i started crying.

i do not know if it was that i was for the first time feeling how bad my hip has been hurting, knowing that i caused this, knowing that all the times i put off workouts caused this injury or the fact that i will start my 25th year off on crutches hobbling about.  but i sobbed.  i am still crying to be utterly truthful.

to say i am pissed would be an understatement.  after realizing that no one is to blame but me i asked if my stomach issues could have caused this.  again with the most sympathetic look he could muster DB simply said no.  i think he knows i am completely delusional.

so i called my tennis captain, the club and mr. match to tell them about my new fate.  luckily no one answered and so i just left messages with my voice quivering.

so as fate would have it another crappy birthday.  at least this one is kicking last years ass even with the hip injury!

perhaps to make myself feel better i will finally purchase this:

leslie over at and her little dog too got it and said i should too!

then again i don’t think i can even shop this mood away…