.call.me.mesican.

or don’t. i won’t know. (i know mexican is misspelled, is a little inside funny for pathug and lisa)

in an effort to save money (because i had to go to the bank of last resort again) i am making my own tortillas.  i have wanted to this for a while and well it was so easy i am never buying store bought again.  i am really on an if i can make it i will not buy it kick (no more chemicals for this girl, except for those in diet cherry coke).

here is a photo journal of my tortillas:

you have to use masa harina.  i had it from when i was gluten free.  if you move out to the ‘burbs with me i will share mine, if not go buy some.

then you add some water and salt

and get something like this

stir MORE

then you get to roll then in to a ball and use a tortilla press to flatten them.  like this from sur la table.  or if you are poor you can do what i did:

my first few turned out like this:
they were too moist (gross word i know) and i need to add more flour.  then they looked like thisi filled them with my filler and CHEESE and they were delicious sooo good.  if you need more direction go here.

.w.d.t.w.t?

Sear sucker shorts and a headband. Shoes not pictured are my bonanno’s.

No full length mirror at the apt yet.

.homeless.no.more.

for those of you who are my irl friends you got an e-mail of this same name moments ago.  for those of you who are just my internet bloggosphere friends here is a recap:

“i know all of you have been following my soap opera life via: .a.splash.of.happy. [oh you haven't well i'm not on facebook so if you want to stalk me this is the place] and have been VERY concerned about my well being and safety.

WELL i would like to be the first to tell you that i am no longer going to be living out of a hotel (or black beauty) and will be moving in to a lovely apartment tomorrow.  i will still be dressing in my homeless chic wardrobe of nike shorts and white t-shirts, so no fear, i am not really classing it up all that much!

while the location is not what i wanted (AKA BFE VIRGINIA)  it is a stepping stone and hopefully there are millions of rich single guys living there that i can trick into marrying me so that i never have to be homeless again.  please say daily prayers for this.  all those pertaining to me getting a job finally worked after 5 years!

in all reality there is a pink berry across the street and i can walk to the grocery store so i was sold.  i will be living in a spacious one bedroom and will have a blow up mattress if any of you want to venture to the outer suburbs and visit.  we can do really fun things like visit the battle of bull run!!!!  i swear when you fly in you can get a glimpse of dc and that really should be enough, right? “

because of my healthy fear of being choped up by a psycho killer i will not be giving out my acutall address to all of you.  but i will let you know where i have registered.  yep thats right.  all you a$$holes whould have had the nerve to get married and have babies now have to buy me house warming gifts.  oh people don’t do that.  WELL LISTEN UP B.C. I DO.  since i do not have an impending nuptials on the horizon i figured the only way to get nice free shit is to make all of you buy it for me.  [are you remembering the time carrie bradshaw did this with the manolo's on SATC?] well this is my time.

here is a little collage of what i would like:

just search apartmentzilla under brides name!  oh and if you really want to see the what why and how i am decorating you can follow along here: .a.splash.of.happy@home.

.weekend.wrapup.

bailey and i have had THE BEST WEEKEND EVER!

today (not really yesterday) exemplifies all the reasons why i want to live in a city and settled on targeting arlington/alexandria va.
bailey and i got in the car and drove down to old town. we walked around and showed off his amazing skill of drinking out of a water bottle.

a sweet old women, with a chocolate laberdoodle stopped me and asked were i bought my doggie water bottle.  i told her its just a normal bobble and bailey is just super smart.  she was amazed and vowed to teach her pup to do the same.
we then settled down in a grassy park and watched sail boats for a few hours. this was my favorite part and i am pissed i forgot both my phone and my camera so i have no pictures. we sat in the shade and it was lovely.
we then walked back to the car and drove it back to the grassy park (stupid 2 hour parking limits even on sunday). we drove back to the park, stopping at starbucks for some coffee and water, and enjoyed a few more hours at the park.

while sometimes bailey drives me insane i now know keeping him was the best choice. i would have never felt comfortable chilling in the park like that among all the young parents by myself. but with him it felt totally natural. i only wish that we were not moving out to BFE so that we could make this a weekend ritual.

i am gonna try and get some pics of bailey drinking out of my bobble until then you can watch this awesome dog fetch beer:

.fast.times.

looking back at my time at b&t’s.

seriously.  have you ever been a fly on the wall at someones house.  probs not.  that’s sorta the situation i was in.  I just do my own thing and often overhear the hilariousness that goes on in a family with a 2 yo and a nb.

while there have been many highlights of my time here, i must say the following are some of my favorites:

• “NO 2yo DO NOT KISS BABY SISTERS EYEBALL, ugh that is just gross”
• “we do not wear our dora pajamas out in public”
• “do they make toddler pajamas out of anything other then polyester”  answer:”no i think its some government rule”
• “ryry MY DOG.  bailey my doooooog toooo!”
• “go outside. SAND BOX.  G-O O-U-T S-I-D-E  NOW”  me: “i can take her outside its no problem” b: “no that would mean admitting defeat, i’m not ready yet”
• “hey 2yo where does milk come from?” (we were thinking she would say cows or go MOOOOOO) she lifts up her shirt and says boobies!

 

but now that i have spent a whole week along in a room with bailey i miss them.  i miss the 2yo and MOST of all i miss listening to conversations adults must have with their toddlers.  instead i try and replicate them with bailey and he just walks away…

.dog.jail.

remember how a few days ago i said that bailey the dog was non-negotiable.  i have changed my mind…

apparently doggie houdini has been escaping our plush accommodations at the red roof in and roaming the parking lot.  the lovely staff have just been guiding him back to the room (without my knowledge).

WELL that was until this morning.  apparently bailey decided to no just roam the parking lot, but go onto the 4 lane MAJOR highway.  i would like to think that he was looking for me but really who knows.  while roaming the high way, a kind police officer picked him up.  THANK GOD he was not hit, because if that had happened i would be inconsolable and probably still balling curled up in the fetal position.

WHAT? you shocked.  my 13 year old dog (yes his rap sheet says 11, i told them wrong) who BARLEY MOVES some how got the energy to no only break free of the room but sneak his way out to the main road.

SO AM I.

especially since yesterday we went for a walk in old town and he went two blocks and then collapsed onto the floor and i thought i was gonna lose him.  thankfully there was a sweet dog loving soccer mom that saw his dramatic collapse and quickly scooped us up into her black range rover and drove us the 2 blocks back to back jeep.

so back to when bailey got picked up by the po-po.  he was brought to doggie jail and held until i was out of work and ready to go ALL THE WAY OUT TO BFE and claim him.  it was a very intense process and i was very overwhelmed by it all.  NOT ONLY did i have to go there but i also had to pay bail for him.  thats right it cost me $35 to get him out.  OH and he now has a fairfax county wrap sheet and mug shot!

you see that… he was gonna be up for adoption!!!!!!

are you pissing your pants?  because when i called the doggie jail to let them know i was coming the women on the other end said “wait i need to pull up his mug shot, oh yes this sweetheart what a pretty dog”.  What every mother wants to hear their “child” has a sweet mug shot.

so after filling out the necessary paper work i hear them call back for inmate number 243877.  yes that is right he got an inmate number!  you would think that after this ordeal he would be so happy to see me.

NO!!!

i was keeled down on the floor ready to embrace my lovely pooch and he turned to walk back into jail.  WHAT???  way to make mommy feel like an a$$ hole.  now not only are you running away but you don’t want me to get you!  i was crying b.c my baby has finally gotten out of jail and he is ready to run from me.

so what did i do?  took him to mcdonalds to get an icream and try and win back his favor.  i cannot wait for my own children when i have to bribe them to like me.

they i drove all over the greater DC area for 4 hours looking for a dog crate that would contain my monster dog.  apparently the only crates that are big enough for my moose dog are $199 and a big out of my price range seeing as he is 13… and after playing in traffic today i am convinced he has a death wish.

so i got him a cage!

he is still very mad at me and is pissed about his new home but i know i am doing the right thing!  i mean if he gets hit by a car i wont be able to get him taxidermist and then who is gonna hang out with ziggallo??  [you know the suit of armor my grandparents have that i covet!]

sorry to all my lovely neighbors at the red roof inn.  hopefully i am leaving on Friday so you wont have to listen to my a$$hole dog bark any more.

.25yoF.needsapt.dog.

could you decipher that?  that you must spend a lot of time here.  yep, that’s right i have sunk to the point of searching on craig’s list for a possible home to live in/roommate to have.

i know what you are thinking.  yes i did have an AWFUL experience with roommates off of craigs list, and yes i did say i wanted to live by myself.  but here’s the thing.  $1659 is a lot of money to pay every month.  esp when you have a background in finance and all you can think about is how you are throwing it out the window and you have SUZE ORMAN in the back of your head SCREAMING her lesbian lungs out.

oh that’s kristen wigg my bad here is SUZE:

i just know she would be eating me alive if she only knew the situation i was in…

so back to my roommate/housing predicament.

this is how my craig’s list add will go:

single 25yo Female teacher looking for mid-twenties female to share 2-2 apartment with.  I have a large yellow lab that is non-negotable.  he is very friendly and just lies on the ground, sometimes he moves.  this is him:

both he and i will prefer that we are either best friends or that we do not communicate with each other.  i will be in charge of all bills and i will expect you pay me your half on time.  i will also request that you never eat my food or touch my things unless i say you can.  i have some very odd personality traits and if you eat my food or touch my things i may go postal.  i enjoy getting tanked about once a moth and suggest you follow suit if you wish to not piss me off.

i have a blog. you will get a nick name and be apart of it.  you will be blasted on it if you break any rules.  if i like you i will talk about all the goodness you bring to our happy home.

i suggest that if you have a boyfriend or any male friends you make your way back to their house.  i do not like strangers in my house.  i will also have 100% veto power over anything/one you bring into our living establishment.  if you are a normal persona this will not be a problem if you are a weirdo then you should not respond to this add.  we will split the DVR 50/50 as in if i am recording something you may take the other spot, if i am recording two things you should phone a friend and have them record it for you.

Last but not least i am a really nice persona and have a great sense of style, humor and am very classy.  i enjoy dirty martinis, cooking, baking, sewing and having a good time.  I will require 3 personal references from you, including people you have lived with before.  i hope to hear from you soon!

p.s. if you really like the history channel show ancient aliens you can ignore everything above and call me asap!

well maybe i should just live alone…

.new.beginings.

apparently my life is going to redirect its self in the comming weeks. FINGERS CROSSED. so i will be getting my own place, decorating it in the most cost effective way possible (that means FREE) and hopefully making new friends with the help of my bailey dog:

you can follow this here.

i will find a way to integrate the too so those of you less computer literate (LISA THIS MEANS YOU!) can follow along.

get pumped.

.dear.jesus.

or Yahweh or buda or allah, or ishvara michael jackson or tom cruise whoever you want.

please let me get both of the jobs i am interviewing for today.

STOP

what you are doing and say it with me…

“please let AMH get the jobS she is interviewing for today.  she is perfect for both of them and she really needs them”

now repeat this 100 times while sitting chris-cross applesauce and end with a long OOOOOOOM.  you can add a sun salutation if you want, it will make you skinny as well as a good person and put lots of good karma into the air!

if we all do it i am sure i will get the jobs, not because i have an M.S.Ed and highly qualified a kick butt teacher but because i just initiated all of you into my cult!  (no kool-aid)

me and my rental car thank you in advance.